Thoughts on Raising Boys--Part Five--Heroes

From the moment my boys could run to me with a bath towel and say, "Mommy, can you tie my cape?"  I knew they had hearts to be heroes.  Peter and Tyler were no different from all boys since time began...this is a deeply embedded, God given desire:  to be a hero.  It certainly does not take a behavioral scientist to see that boys are wired to be adventurous, competitive, courageous, risk-takers.  That was evident the moment I found that my son, Tyler, had used his highchair and the kitchen cabinets to climb to the top of the frig where I found him calmly munching on Cheerios, and he hadn't learned to walk yet!!!  

Along with this adventurous spirit, boys also want to protect, save, and conquer, to have a mission and succeed against all odds.  I watched through skype one evening as my five year old grandson, Zach, with his "Super Zach" cape on saved his three year old sister, Rebekah, a damsel in distress, from the monster (his mom, Jen) who captured the fair maiden.  I have to say I enjoyed every moment as Bekah cried out:  "Help!  Help!  Zach!  Save me!" and watched Zach call back as he rushed down the stairs, cape flying behind him, "I'm coming, Rebekah!  I WILL SAVE YOU!!!!"  And though it was a brutal battle, the monster was defeated, the fair maiden saved and Zach was triumphant! 


 Boys have an innate desire to fight battles and to be victorious...they were made this way ON PURPOSE.  God knew this life on earth was not going to be an easy one.  He knew there would be battles to fight on all levels everyday.  He knew our world would need heroes and in His wisdom, he created men to desire that role...even at Zach's age!  Some of these battles are internal.  I watched my daughter-in-law, Jen, coach Zach one day though one of these battles.  We were at a park in North Carolina.  First, let me explain that playgrounds in North Carolina are far and away more "risky" than the California playgrounds.  Here in California, we are so afraid of litigation that we have taken all the "dangerous" equipment out and padded the ground with twelve inches of memory foam. (slight exaggeration:)  But in NC, the equipment is meant to challenge and be a little risky.  You could fall.  You might come home with bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes; however,  like my Zach that sunny summer day, you probably conquered something.  Zach began a climb up some pretty steep monkey bars when he froze and started back down. His mom, seeing his dilemma, came over and said, "Zach, you can do this."  She continued to coach Zach for a good fifteen minutes while he slowly inched his way across the "abyss."  Finally, he made it to the top and you should have seen the look on that boy's face.  He did it!!!  From that moment on, he scrambled up and over the monkey bars again and again.  What if Jen had gone over and rescued Zach?  What if she had allowed Zach to cave to his fears?  No victory...no conquering.  

There is a dangerous "counterfeit" out there Satan is using to rob us of all our heroes and that is the continual use of computer games by our boys and men.  I write this knowing that some of you reading this post will not want to read another word, but I ask that you hear me out. 

Not long ago, I was early for my flight out of Burbank airport.  NO ONE was waiting with me for my flight to Reno until a young man with a backpack walked into the seating area of my gate.  We had a long wait for our flight and since not another soul was around, we were each others only company.  I soon found out my new friend was a researcher and scientist at Caltech in Pasadena, much like the characters on the popular television show, The Big Bang Theory .  And you know I had to ask if the show was an accurate depiction of the reality.  I was surprised when he said, "yes."  The one aspect of the show that was not nearly as authentic was the role of online game playing in the life of those who attend and worked at Caltech...in reality...get this...it was more!  Then he told me something that was stunning.  He said if we were to, right at that moment, go to the Caltech campus and visit dorm rooms, nearly every room would have gamers with numerous screens up and running.  Every year many of the Caltech students are treated for rickets because all they do is work and then play their games.  They eat very little.  Sleep very little.  Get almost no physical exercise.  Consequently, these brilliant young people are suffering from malnutrition!!!!

What could possibly draw these young men into a virtual world to such an extent that they neglect everything...including their health?  Can I throw out a thought?  Their desire to be heroes...to have a mission...to fight battles...to defeat enemies...to have an adventure is satisfied online.  Each time a battle is fought and won...a "level" is strived for and achieved...a princess in distress is saved...an enemy finally vanquished a powerfully addictive neurotransmitter called dopamine is released into the brain.  This "rush" along with all the adrenaline produced while in the midst of gaming are the same chemical reactions that occur when REAL life battles take place.  Here's the big difference:  Fake, pretend battles, missions, and adventures can happen everyday anytime...day or night...always available at the click of a mouse.  Not so when it comes to real life.  However, the desire to be a vital part of an adventure and the addiction to the rush of dopamine is so strong, the easy "cure" is gaming...Why do it the hard way???????

Dear parents of boys...you are not just parenting a busy little boy...you are parenting future heroes!!! Please limit your boy's gaming!  And encourage them to do the "hard stuff."  Resist the draw to rescue and instead coach and encourage.  We need real life heroes to be among us in the years ahead.

Praying for your heroes:)

Cherri...Peter, Chris and Kathy too 

PS  We will be taking more about children and technology in a later post.