One Christmas, thirty-two years ago, my mother-in-law, Therese, gave her grandsons two very different gifts. Peter Kye received books and Tyler, art materials which included a professional easel, crayons, drawing pencils, and a "gum" eraser (something I had never even heard of before that moment. Anyone who has ever played "Draw Something" with me knows my children did not get their drawing abilities from this set of DNA) along with all the paper he could possibly need. She KNEW those two grandsons of hers. She knew Peter had been interested in books since he was a baby, had already learned to read at five and by nine would be reading The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
She watched Tyler and saw his artistic abilities and though he was a
rebel to any other boundary, he colored beautifully in the lines. Not
only that, by the time he was three, he was printing his alphabet
perfectly on a chalkboard even though he had no clue what he was
drawing. She was a student of her grandchildren and was well aware of their
giftings and encouraged them as best as she could for as long as she
lived. My boys excelled in these areas, in large part, because they had this woman in their lives. It just shows the incredible power of encouragement.
All boys have God-given talents and gifts. Some of these are
obvious like playing a musical instrument or athletic abilities, but
some are either subtle or hidden amongst the negative aspects and acting out of a boy's temperament. Like Joseph, who was diagnosed with ADD
and ADHD. His mom could not, for the life of her, figure out any gifts
Joseph had besides home demolition or auto dismantling. But
one afternoon, Peter met Joseph and later when he talked with Joseph's
mom, he told her he could plainly see one of Joseph's gifts in just the
few moments he had spent with him. Peter saw that Joseph had a zeal and
appreciation for life that was pretty spectacular. He loved just being
alive! He loved people, church, playing on the playground...just about
anyone and anything. This zeal could be a powerful and positive
attribute in Joseph's life if he learned to have the self-control to
know when to let that zeal loose and when to tone it down a bit. Once
Joseph's mom learned to appreciate her son's gift in this area, she saw
his exuberance in a different light and even joined in sometimes. It
wasn't as annoying as it had been because HER attitude changed.
And she wasn't nearly so impatient when teaching and training, coaching and disciplining him to a place a self-control, because she saw it more as training toward something good rather than getting out something bad.
Sometimes
we have to actively seek to be aware of our sons' unique gifts and
abilities. Ask God to open your eyes to all the good He put in your
boy. If you still can't see it...ask his Nana:) Nanas always see the
good in their grandchildren:) Once you have identified his admirable God-given gifts and abilities...coach the good. That is exactly what
Grandma Therese was doing in Tyler and Peter's lives. If you
have a boy who loves to work with his hands, get some building materials
and train him to hammer a nail, it will save your walls and furniture.
If you have one who is interested in insects, purchase some field guides, a magnifying glass, a couple of bug viewers and always have empty jars on stand-by for their conquests. Is he interested in music? For heaven's sake, "fan that flame!" You could have a future worship leader or orchestra musician on your hands! The options are endless because the giftings
are endless as well.
Here's
the danger of not seeing the good in your son. You can develop a
critical attitude that can spread to other members of the family. The
"problem child" begins to feel "outside" of the family. Expectations of
bad behavior become the norm so an unhealthy cycle or pattern develops...we expect it, they do it, and they get punished. WHENEVER
something happens in a family, the "go to goat" is the "toublemaker."
The troublemaker will some times acquiese to something they didn't even do
just because they don't think anyone will be believe otherwise. They
become more and more emotionally isolated which will lead to physical
isolation later.
In the book Six Ways to Keep the Good in Your Boy,
Dannah Gresh, spends three chapters explaining the importance of
staying connected to your boy. From the very beginning,
connecting with the parents is vital, not only to them
emtionally, but now they are finding out through reasearch it helps with
the brain's development and with physical health as well. Staying
connected as a family will create strong family values and an identity
that will serve as protection against outside influences as your boy
grows into young manhood. Dannah calls this "intentional
togetherness." One of the key ingredients to family connectedness is the
ability of family members to love and appreciate each other and the
gifts they bring to the family as a whole.
As a family, we are delighted in Peter Kye's ability to remember EVERY word to the songs for EVERY Disney movie produced and could, at any moment, break-out with his version of "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid or "Feed the Birds" from Mary Poppins at family gatherings.
We love the puns he creates to share with us through text and Facebook
posts. And Ty...well, he is still always a surprise and every bit as
mischievous as he was as a boy. And we love it! He finds a way to
always be Ty...He will keep his feet firmly planted while the
photogragher is asking everyone in the bridal party to jump and have at
the top of his Amazon "wish list" a "shocking pen." Humor is a gift
BOTH my boys have and one we have all enjoyed as Thompson family
members. Some of the quirkiest gifts are the most fun:)
Open your eyes and find
reasons to delight in your son's gifts. Peter, my husband, calls this
"parenting up." Coach, love, appreciate, delight in and "parent up" to
the gifts and abilities you see in your boy and he will flourish!
We are praying for you...
Cherri, Peter, Chris and Kathy
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