"I believe that those boys who
take part in rough, hard play outside of school will not find any need
for horse-play in school."
Theodore Roosevelt, American President
A young mom came to my home one day with her two and a half year old son to get some advice about her "crazy busy boy" who was "driving her nuts." They hadn't been in the house long when "David" discovered you could run a continuous circuit through my kitchen, dining room, living room, and family room...and he wasn't the first toddler to discover this wonderful track in my home:). The young mom apologized as David ran lap after lap, smiling at us as he ran zipping by. She pointed and said, "This is what I'm talking about! Help me!!"
I could tell she was really concerned. She was worried her little guy had a "diagnosable behavioral problem," and was considering taking him to his doctor to see if some kind of medication might be helpful. My heart went out to her as I saw that she was sad and scared and pretty much at the end her stretched out to the max, motherly rope. I began to ask her questions about David...what their day looked like together...did he sleep well at night...take good naps...was he always like this, and a picture began to emerge.
Her little David was not overly energetic or anymore "crazy busy" than most toddler boys. As David's mom described their day, I found that he got very little physically demanding play time. His outlet for using up all his little boy energy was to run around the house, climb furniture, jump off coffee tables and any number of other interesting activities. I understood this young mother's concern about allowing him to run with reckless abandon through her house, but I also understood this little guy's great need to physically expend all of his pent-up stores of energy. She explained that the busyness of her day made it difficult to get him outside in the backyard because she felt she needed to be with him and at two and a half, I wholeheartedly agreed. But something needed to change. I asked her how much of her time was spent chastising, disciplining, redirecting, or, in some way, dealing with her son's behavior. She said...that's just it...TOO MUCH! It seemed she ALWAYS had to stop what she was doing to handle what was going on with David. She never got done what she needed to during the day and was completely exhausted by the time her husband came home. And then she said: "I thought being a mom would be fun, but it's just hard." Whoa...she was spent.
I asked her if she was willing to try something different and she was, so we put together a new routine for David that included time playing outside at least once a everyday for at least a good hour. I'll be honest with you, she looked doubtful and was concerned about how this would impact all she needed to accomplish in a day, but she was willing to try.
A week later, I received a call from David's mom. I didn't recognize her voice over the phone because she sounded like a completely different person. She started with "You're not going to believe this!" She went on to tell me how David not only has calmed down in his behavior, he takes good naps and sleeps better through the night. The change was so pronounced that her husband started taking him outside to play or go for a walk while she was making dinner in the evenings. She was honest and told me she really felt defeated leaving my house that afternoon and thought I had just added one more thing to her already long list of what needed to be done in a day. But she decided to try anyway. And here's the beauty...she not only got more accomplished during her day, but her time outside with her son turned into something she looked forward to everyday. An added benefit she was shocked to find was after paying hard, he was able to focus better on more quiet activities to keep himself busy while she is working around the house. I was so grateful to hear the joy return not only to her voice but in her mothering as well.
God created boys to need physically demanding play, and some boys need more than others. If you keep them cooped up in a house all day, you are asking for disaster. They will break something. They will run like a "crazy person" around your house. They will jump and, if you have two, they will wrestle and rough house. Your boys might even quite literally climb the walls:). I have seen them do this and have experienced it myself. They will have a "diagnosable behavioral problem" called "LPD"..."Lack of Play Disorder," and this one has an easy cure...GET THOSE BOYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!!
Lately, Peter, Chris, Kathy and I have been "beating this drum" pretty hard wherever and whenever we talk about parenting. All of us are big proponents of kids playing...playing a lot outside and play inside too. We are asking any parent who listens to please get the children playing...playing hard...until the are completely spent...and playing outside...even when it's hot...even when it's cold, windy, rainy, snowing. They will survive the elements. Now, of course, we say this knowing that you all have common sense and will not send your children out during a blizzard, a hurricane, or when there has been a heat stroke alert:)
All children, both boys and girls, need a good deal of play time, but for your active, testosterone laden boys, play is absolutely essential. Let them play. Let them get dirty. Let them get wet. Let them get good and tired.
We are praying God's blessings on you and your families,
Cherri...Peter, Chris and Kathy
